It's getting harder and harder for me to write in here...Some times I dream of writing things, saying words...words that never make their way to this blog...but are rather devoured in my silence and indifference...I wish I could stop the time,from growing old, from grown-up obligations, from unlimited expectations ...But here I am , seeing myself yet another year older...can't escape life and my destiny...
So many people I have met and so few of them I see
Life has taught me so many things and I have learned them all, like a well-behaved kid

...

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too muchso you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...

Veronica Shoffstall

I'm not happy with the status quo and I need a change

A major change in my lifesyle,relationship and how I see things...

I need new glasses, don't care much about the brand, just wanna see better...and different

.

..

...

Life is showing me a new challenge everyday and I'm tired of exams...have taken it so many times and many times even haven't been rewarded

I wish I could start over again, my entire life...

I wish I had an option
I wish I could selfishly get away...from him ... from everything

I wish I could give up

Tonight I wish upon the stars...I need an eternal lucid dream

امروز فصل ديگه اى از دفتر زندگيم به اتمام رسيد...2 سال پيش اين موقع كلى آرزو داشتم ، كلى هراس و نگرانى و دلهره

دلشوره ها هنوز هست، اما ديگه تو اون مرحله زندگى نيستم

دارم هى بزرگ و بزرگتر ميشم

يه زمانى فكر ميكردم از زنگى جلو ترم، ولى ياد گرفتم كه زندگى مسابقه نيست...صف كوپن هم نيست....پس چيه؟

دانشگاه هم باز تموم شد، ولى شديدا احساس خلا ميكنم...هنوز تا دو ماهه ديگه بيست و چهار سالمه

ولى هنوز برنامه جدى براى زندگيم نريختم...حسش هم نيست حالا حالا ها...ولى سخت مشغول فكرم...يعنى همه آدما بعد از اين مرحله زندگى به پوچى ميرسن يا فقط منم؟دارم فكر ميكنم من كه اصلا تا آخر عمرم نميخوام مهندس بمونم

درست نبود يه راه ديگه اى رو انتخاب ميكردم؟هالا با اين مدركم چيكار كنم؟از حالا به بعد چه چيزيرو مقصر تنبلى يا كوتاهى هام بدونم؟

من انگييييييييييييييييييييييييييييييزه ميخوام

آيه ميخوام

تقصير من نيست كه پوستم كلفت شده...بعضى وقتا سخت پوست شدن از صفات انسانيه...گاهى وقتا حالم از محيط كار به هم ميخوره...گاهى وقتا حالم از ادما به هم ميخوره، خصوصا اونايى كه منطق و وقار ندارن ...چجورى ميشه آدم يه كار اشتباهى بكنه بد وجدان درد نگيره...ما زمينى ها با اين شعور و ادعامون موجودات حقيرى هستيم...كاش تو جامعه انسانى رقابت وجود نميداشت...فكر كنم دنيا جاى زندگى ميشد...مسئله اينه كه ادما انقدر درگير جاه و مقام و منفعت خودشون ميشن كه فرستى براى انسان زيستى نيست

روزها از پی هم می گذرند و من همچنان تک تک لحظات یکنواخت زندگی را لمس می کنم و در این یکنواختی به تمام لحظه های از دست رفته می اندیشم و… خیلی از ناگفته ها وجود دارد که شاید تغییر در روال آنها بتواند مسیر زندگی ام را تغییر دهد. فقط یک جو اراده می طلبد و همت ، همت ، و پشتکار… و من بیقرارم برای اینکه بدانم در این سال جدید سرنوشت فریبکار چه برایم رقم زده و چه خواهد کرد . حس لحظه سال تحویل را دارم که با خود فکر می کنم که امسال چه خواهد شد و در این مسیری که باید طی شود خواست خدا چیست ؟می دانم که همه چیز به خودم بستگی دارد(این جمله را بارها و بارها از یک دوست شنیده ام) ولی می خواهم خودم تغییر دهم و این تغییر را در تک تک سلولهاى وجودم حس کنم

A Shattered Sister hood

I wonder what makes two people so different...No I won't go that far.What makes two siblings from same parents so different? We are all partially to blame...I would never think of a day when we would be so harsh to each other, so unkind...and that they came,alas....
if I only knew when she was pulling my hands at the airport, begging me not to leave,that one day she would be so far and distant that it would take light years to reach her heart...and if I knew her cute little good bye notes and dried flowers between her letters are her last blessings for me...
What did go wrong?and who is the victim? me,her,or a broken family?
All I care about is her happiness

اين دكتر هولاكويى هم آدم عجيبييه... آخره كلاساش ميدوه بيرون با عجله كه يه وقت سالاد ميوه دير نشه! هر وقت هم كه ميشه ازش سوال كرد ميگه "پيش منم نياين مزاحمم نشين

سره كلاس هم كه روم نميشه ازش بپرسم....در رابطه با بحث خويشتن خويش،سوال من اينه:با توجه به هميه نظريه هايى كه در رابطه با حقيقته زندگى وجود داره، واقعا نقش ما ادما تو زندگى چيه؟ يعنى به نظرم زندگى هم ميتونه ساده باشه و هم خيلى پيچيده، مهم نگرش هر آدميست به اون بعدى از زندگى كه سوال بر انگيزه...اين موضوع خيلى مهمه، مثلا من بايد بدونم كه هدفم از اين زندگى چيه....اگه مسئه موفقيت در مراحل زندگيه، ( كه البته اينم خودش جايه بحثه)و طى كردن نردبان طرقى و جلو زدن از همه هست، مثله نظريه كه فيلم "سيكرت" دفاع ميكنه،خب پس آدما فقط بايد به فكر خودشون باشن و به آدمهاى ديگه توجه نكنن....ولى اگه مسئله اينهه كه اين دنيا يه حالت تناسخ و هولوگرامه يا هرچيزه ديگه هست كه اونوقت روش زندگييه آدما باهم متفاوت ميشه، اونوقته كه آدم بايد فكر بعد ديگه يى از زندگى باشه، يعنى اينكه كمك كنه، دنيا جاى بهترى براى زندگى باشه، اونوقته كه رقابت هيچ معنايى ندره، اون وقته كه من لازم نيست آرزو كنم كه وقتى بزرگ تر شدم بخوام "پورش" بخرم، چون واقعا هدف و معناى زندگى والا تر از همه اينهاست....بعيد ميدونم كسى واقعا جواب اين سوالا رو بدونه،كاشكى من كه منتور يا يه مرشد داشتم

On my short 1-hour lunch break I ran into my favorite bookstore and read"The Very Hungry Caterpillar "by Eric Carle. Though it was a short (very short) children's classic,I enjoyed reading it ...
The story is simple: the caterpillar is born, eats too much — far too much — learns to eat less, has a snooze, and changes into a butterfly.
But of course, there's far more to it than that. Carle's Hungry Caterpillar is an iconic figure whose journey from egg to butterfly is a metaphor for human development and progress, offering profound insights into the human condition.
As a thinker, he is second only to that great Greek philosopher, Aristotle, who first proposed that rational thought advances through thesis and antithesis — in other words, you eat a lot, and then you feel awful, so you stop eating. What could be more rational than that?

We will only find happiness, said Aristotle, if we can find the middle path between excess and deficiency. Isn't there a lesson for us all in that, in these times of hyper-consumption that are threatening the very existence of our planet? The Hungry Caterpillar knew when to stop — do we?

اين هوا ديگه شو رشو در آورده...آخه كجاى دنيا پنج روز پشت سر هم بارون مياد؟

ديروز با داداش آرين حرف ميزدم،بچم دلش خوشه ،كلى نصيحتش كردم، كه عزيزم ،موهات كلى دختر كش شده ولى تو راضى ميشى تو خيابون چپ و راست تلفات بديم؟

كلى هم راجه به كارش حرف زد كه جو گير شده و ميخواد هر جورى شده پول دار شه و واحداى كمترى برداره كه به كارش صدمه نخوره

اين ركسانا خانوم هم كه هر روز يه الم شنگه اى به پا ميكنه!يه روز كلاس زبانو دو در ميكنه بعد نميفهمه چطور ميشه سر از پاتوق دوستاش در مى آره...هر چى هم كتاب بهش معرفى ميكنم بلكه يكم مثله من فيلسوف شه، يه بهونه ميره كه مثلن اين ماه همه پولشو خرج كرده يا فعلن ماشين نداره آرين آقا هم ماشينو خابوندن...كميته تصديقشو هم گرفته...تازه كارت بنزين ماشين رو هم دوتاييشون رو بخارى سوزوندن( البته اشتباهى)....خدايا آخه ببين اينا چقدر مارو حرص ميدناينا به كنار....مامان گرام سات يازده شب زنگ ميزنن و ميپرسن " بابا مگه شماها تو امريكا مرغين انقدر زود ميخوابين"؟

من چى بگم ديگه اخه...بهش ميگم نه سر درد داشتم خوابيدم، ديگه نميگم تو اين مملكت استثمار گر بايد روزى 9.5 ساعت بزارى براى نظام سرمايه دارى كار كنى تا از زندگيت عقب نمونى...تازه ميگن هشت ساعت هم بايد بخوابى ،پس چى براى خودم ميمونه؟ كى مشقامو بكنم؟كى برم ورزش؟ كى قزا درست كنم؟ كى لباسمو اتو كنم؟ كى با خودم حرف بزنم؟كى سوشالايز كنم؟كى تي وى ببينم كه فردا همه راجه بهش حرف ميزنن؟ آخه اينم شد

"Only human beings have come to a point where they no longer know why they exist. They don't use their brains and they have forgotten the secret knowledge of their bodies, their senses, or their dreams. They don't use the knowledge that the spirit has put into every one of them; they are not even aware of this, and so they stumble along blindly on the road to nowhere - a paved highway that theythemselves bulldoze and make smooth so that they can get faster to the big empty hole which they find at the end, waiting to swallow them up. It is a quick comfortable superhighway, but I know where it leads to. I've seen it. I've been there in my vision and it makes me shudder to think about it"


The Lakota Shaman Lame Deer
Lame Deer Seeker of Visions
Source: Holographic Uiverse; Michael Talbot

This was the title of the book I just finished,by Michael Talbot.I am mesmerized and truely speechless.
In 1982 a remarkable event took place. At the University of Paris, a research team led by physicist Alain Aspect performed what may turn out to be one of the most important experiments of the 20th century. Aspect and his team discovered that under certain circumstances subatomic particles such as electrons are able to instantaneously communicate with each other regardless of the distance separating them. It doesn't matter whether they are 10 feet or 10 billion miles apart. Somehow each particle always seems to know what the other is doing. The problem with this feat is that it violates Einstein's long-held tenet that no communication can travel faster than the speed of light.

David Bohm, believes Aspect's findings imply that objective reality does not exist, that despite its apparent solidity the universe is at heart a phantasm, a gigantic and splendidly detailed hologram.The three-dimensionality of images is not the only remarkable characteristic of holograms. If a hologram of a rose is cut in half and then illuminated by a laser, each half will still be found to contain the entire image of the rose.In a holographic universe, even time and space could no longer be viewed as fundamentals. Because concepts such as location break down in a universe in which nothing is truly separate from anything else, time and three-dimensional space, like the images of the fish on the TV monitors, would also have to be viewed as projections of this deeper order.We are really "receivers" floating through a kaleidoscopic sea of frequency, and what we extract from this sea and transmogrify into physical reality is but one channel from many extracted out of the superhologram. controversial new healing techniques such as visualization may work so well because in the holographic domain of thought images are ultimately as real as "reality".
In a holographic universe there are no limits to the extent to which we can alter the fabric of reality. What we perceive as reality is only a canvas waiting for us to draw upon it any picture we want. Anything is possible

سالى كه گذشت

سال ديگرى هم گذشت

...سال بدى نبود...شكر خدا

گرچه در يك نگاه انگار بال زدن كبوترى بود...يا همتاى افتادن سيبى از درخت

كسى چه ميداند شايد بعد ها يكى از مهم ترين سال هاى عمرم شود

هرچه باشد عمر است...۳۶۵ بار خوابيدن... ۳۶۵ بار رويا و يا كابوس ديدن...بار بر خاستن....خود را جلوى آينه ديدن وگذشت سال ها را هرروز لمس كردن....۳۶۵ بار آغاز كردن روزى غريب.... ۳۶۷۹۲۰۰۰ تپش نبض روح....۳۶۵ بار ستيزه با پستى ها...نبرد با سرنوشت...۳۶۵ بار ترديد ....۳۶۵ به باور رسيدن...۳۶۵ بار

رفتن....آمدن...نفس كشيدن.....خواستن...بوسيدن...پرستيدن...بودن...شدن..

...داشتن

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